Loss of trust, loss of affection, but not loss of hope.
So many lies about drinking and so many broken promises have placed an enormous strain on your relationship.
Intervention, detachment, nagging, begging, and pleading by your loved one may or may not have helped to resolve the drinking, but they’ve certainly not resolved the relationship issues.
But here you are, both of you, still willing to try once again to restore trust and happiness in the relationship that once was such a source of joy, pride, and strength.
It’s about us, not you or me.
Time to change the perspective from it’s the drinker’s problem to it’s OUR problem.
Sure, you could say that the drinker’s behavior is his/her problem, except for the fact that drinking affects the loved one, too. In turn, the loved one’s behavior has a tremendous influence on drinking behavior.
Over time, patterns of behavior between the drinker and his/her loved one become established. Most of the time, these patterns of behavior tend to unwittingly reinforce or increase the likelihood of drinking and adding more damage to the relationship.
Open the door… learn something new.
It’s time for both of you to learn and practice the skills you need to create and maintain patterns of behavior that minimize the likelihood of drinking and to have the relationship that your heart desires.
As the old saying goes, “Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.”
Therapy focuses on solutions rather than problems and starts the process of building a shared vision for the relationship.
What happens in couples therapy?
In therapy, the initial focus is on resolving the drinking.
This includes a recovery agreement in which the drinker and loved one each agrees on and commits to behaviors that provide positive support to each other and identify other support for maintaining the resolution of the drinking.
Next, the focus is on improving communication and increasing positive activities.
Finally, the focus is on maintaining positive changes and preventing relapse.
It may not be easy, but with help, you can do this!
You can restore trust, affection, and hope.
Let’s change the focus from problems that happened in the past to solutions that work in the present and future.
I will provide a safe space for honest and open communication about your shared vision of the future.
Contact me today by completing the form below or calling me at (908) 393-6300.